


The Captain and Mr. Reynolds

by Ladytalon



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-07
Updated: 2010-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-09 23:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/92850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladytalon/pseuds/Ladytalon





	The Captain and Mr. Reynolds

  
  
  
  
  
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**Title:** The Captain and Mr. Reynolds  
**Author:** [](http://ladytalon1.livejournal.com/profile)[**ladytalon1**](http://ladytalon1.livejournal.com/)  
**Characters/Pairing:** Mal/Jayne, crew  
**Rating:** PG-13 for naked articulation  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, not making any $$  
**Word Count:** 4,517  
**A/N:** This was meant to be much, much shorter. Sorry. Many passages taken directly from Joss, you'll know them when you read them... for Prompt #61 at the [](http://community.livejournal.com/shiny_hats/profile)[**shiny_hats**](http://community.livejournal.com/shiny_hats/) Ficathon: _AU: Our Mrs. Reynolds, but Jayne is the naïve new spouse from Triumph, and he's on the level_. Dedicated to [](http://prehistoric-sea.livejournal.com/profile)[**prehistoric_sea**](http://prehistoric-sea.livejournal.com/) for letting me take a few prompts after the deadline.  
**WARNING:** May contain trace elements of crack.

  


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Mal looked over at Zoë as she inspected the stick Elder Gommen had gifted her with. "Elder says it's meant to bring the rains," she sighed, shaking it. "Sounds like she just packed it with rice or some such foolishness."

"Well, it looks mighty fine," he grinned, but his attention was diverted by a man who looked at him shyly from beneath his lashes as he knelt in front of Mal. The captain cast an appraising eye over the new arrival, who had to be the biggest _hundan_ Mal'd ever seen in his life – but gorram if he wasn't nearly the most _swai_. The man reached up to place a wreath on the captain's head and offered him a bowl of wine, waiting until Mal took a mouthful and swallowed before offering up a smile and standing to melt into the circle of dancers around the fire. "Hey, Zo – got me a shiny hat," Mal said somewhat drunkenly and pointed to it just as a woman ran up to them and pulled them to their feet.

Nearly spilling the rest of the wine, Mal let himself be hauled into the dance where he found the big man from earlier. He reached out a hand to the man who smiled slightly before taking it, his larger hand nearly swallowing up Mal's own. The fires had nearly burned themselves out when the last musician put away his fiddle and Mal jerked his head up from where he'd been resting it on the other man's warm chest, enjoying the feel of strong arms around him as they slow danced in the half-light.

"I better go," Mal said, disengaging himself from the settler who looked disappointed but didn't say anything but heave a sigh. "We're leavin' later this mornin' so I probably should…" he gestured towards the ship and the other man nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth before he turned to leave.

After getting a few hours' sleep, they re-provisioned the ship with supplies Elder Gommen gave them while she lamented the fact that she couldn't pay them in coin. "We owe you a great debt. I'm sorry we have so little to pay it with, though I hope our gifts will show our regard."

Mal smiled indulgently. "I don't think Zoë's ever lettin' go of that stick." Simon strode up to him and whispered in his ear about an Alliance patrol ship entering atmo, so he made his goodbyes and they blasted off from Triumph just in time to avoid the law's long arm. The rest of the crew were busy doing whatever it was they were doing, so Mal strode around the cargo bay in an effort to clean the place up and make sure everything was stowed proper. When he bent down to shove a box of supplies under a shelf, he nearly jumped out of his skin. In the corner of the cargo bay – _his_ cargo bay! – sat his dance partner from the previous evening with his arms wrapped around the knees he'd drawn up to his massive chest. "Who the hell are you?"

The big man's deep voice was surprisingly meek. "What d'ya mean?"

Mal stood and felt instantly intimidated when the other man rose as well, towering over him. "I think I was pretty clear. What are you doin' on my boat?"

"But…you know. I'm to cleave to ya."

"To wabba who? You can't be here!"

"Ain't Elder Gommen told ya?"

"Tell me what? Who are you?"

The other man's big blue eyes grew even larger. "Mr. Reynolds, sir…. I'm yer husband."

Mal thought he was about to pass out, no two ways about it. The hell? "Could you repeat that please?" he asked faintly.

"I'm yer husband," the man insisted. "That was yer agreement with Elder Gommen, since she didn't have no cash or livestock 'nuff to-"

"I'm sorry. Go back to the part where you're my husband?"

The big man's face fell and he bit his lip as he looked down at his scuffed boots. "I don't please ya."

"You can't please me, you've never met me!" Mal cried, exasperated. When he saw Zoë and Simon enter the hold, he looked to his Second for help. "Simon, why do I have a husband?"

Zoë's eyes widened and she stalked up to them. "You've got a husband?"

"What's he doing here?" Simon asked, puzzled.

"All I got was that ridiculous stick that sounds like it's raining – how come _you_ got a husband?"

Mal sighed angrily. "Because _you_ already _have_ one, Zoë! But we're not married!"

"I ain't meanin' t' shame ya," the big man who claimed to be his husband muttered, shuffling his feet.

"You don't shame me! Zoë, get River down here." Of course she called not only River, but the rest of the crew as well, to Mal's extreme irritation. When Simon made a smartass comment about it being his 'day of bliss', Mal had a sharp retort. "There's no bliss! I don't know this man!"

Simon grinned and reached out to pluck at the man's shirt sleeve. "Then, can I know him?"

When the rest of his Tien-forsaken crew gathered and Zoë introduced them all to "Mr. Reynolds", it figured that Kaylee was the most excited about this whole mess. "You got _married?_" she squealed.

"Who's the new recruit?" Shepherd Book asked, looking around.

"We always hoped you two kids would get together… who is he?" River asked, looking to Simon in a confused manner.

Mal frowned. "He's no one!"

The man in question had been shifting from foot to foot with his arms wrapped around himself, looking more miserable by the minute and at this last declaration of Mal's, he finally burst into tears. Kaylee gasped. "_Captain! _"

"Stop that," Mal ordered, only succeeding in making the man cry harder.

"I'm sorry," he sniffed.

River put her hands on her hips and glared at Mal. "You brute!"

"Oh, sweetie, don't feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He's like a monster," Kaylee said, trotting right up to the big man and putting her arms around as much of him as she could reach while glaring at Mal. On his other side, Simon reached up a hand and rubbed his knuckles against the man's shoulder in an awkward 'there, there' gesture.

"I'm not a monster! Albatross, turn this boat around." After being informed that it was impossible due to Alliance presence and feeling more confused and angry by the second when Book insisted that his marriage was a binding one, he threw up his hands. "What's it say in there about divorce?"

And that was it – his 'husband' sucked in a loud sobbing breath and went running from the hold.

"_Now_ look what you've done, you _kewu de lao baojun_," Kaylee exclaimed. "Poor thing just wanted to make ya happy!"

"In case it's escaped your notice, _mei mei_, havin' stowaways on my boat don't exactly make me happy!" He gave Zoë a pointed look. "Remember when you snuck Wash aboard in that box?"

Zoë just looked back at him, unperturbed. "What? Catalog said he was supposed to be inflatable."

In the silence following this proclamation, River cleared her throat. "That's…. thank you for sharing that with us."

"Enough, already! I'm going to find…whoever he is, and we're gonna straighten this whole mess out," Mal said, pinching the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger.

"Be nice," Kaylee encouraged.

"Don't you got an engine to fix?" he asked when she started to trail after him.

"Nope! It's all shiny, Cap'n."

"Then how 'bout scroungin' us up some food?"

"Oh, that's all done too," Kaylee beamed, bouncing on her toes happily. "Just needs to be cooked."

"Then how 'bout you _stay in the galley_ to make sure Wash don't get into nothin' he shouldn't?" he asked pointedly, adding a frown so she wouldn't mistake the dismissal as anything but.

"Fine," she huffed, flouncin' off in a manner that wasn't unlike the way in which 'his husband' had departed.

Mal found him huddled in the hallway beside the passenger dorms, still sniffling and wipin' at his eyes. "You all right?" Mal asked awkwardly.

The other man's eyes really were a particularly _meili_ shade of blue, not that Mal noticed such things, but since he'd been cryin' they were still kinda wet and Mal felt like the biggest _hundan_ in the 'verse when their stowaway looked up at him sadly. "Thought…thought last night durin' the ceremony, you was pleased." He ducked his head again. "Guess not."

"Well, last night I was," Mal protested. "Had some wine, _swai_ man gave me hat made from a tree…"

"You gonna kill me?" the other man asked plaintively.

"What kinda crappy planet is that? Kill you?"

"I heard tell of men weren't pleased with their husbands, an' they…"

"The hell?" Mal was seized with the urge to tell him something about defending himself, but instead just sighed. "Look, what's your name?"

The big man looked up again hopefully. "Jayne Reynolds."

"Jayne Reyn- whoa now! I mean, your _real_ name."

Jayne's big blue eyes began to well with tears once more. "But that _is_ m' real name," he whispered miserably.

"Let me just try this again…what, uh, was your name before we…before you…_before? _"

"Ya mean, afore we was made one?"

Oh, Lord Almighty. "Yes. No. Yes. Gorrammit, before Serenity landed on Triumph!" Mal yelled, and a thump made him look down to see that Jayne had jumped in shock at his outburst and had nearly fallen over. But what was really alarming him was the fact that the big man's lower lip had started quivering. "Oh, no. No no no, don't start that again," Mal begged. "_Qing wu ku!_"

Jayne drew in a deep breath, and promptly began to hiccup uncontrollably as he tried to hold the tears back. "J-Jayne C-Cuh…Cuh…Cobb," he gulped.

Mal knew that taking the man by the shoulders and shaking him 'til his teeth rattled wouldn't help matters… and most likely wouldn't even work because Jayne looked to be twice Mal's size. He figured he'd try a little humor. "So, this why the Elder sent you off to me? 'Cause you couldn't quit howlin' long enough to get a whole sentence out?" he joked. It was probably the worst thing he could have said, because instead of smiling like Mal had intended, Jayne started crying in earnest. "C'mon, I was just jokin' with you."

"T'ain't real funny," Jayne sobbed, scrubbing his eyes with the grubby gloves that adorned his massive fists.

"I'm gettin' that," Mal admitted, wiping his sweaty palms on the sides of his pants. _Wode Tian, I ain't good at this gos se! _ "Look, you wanna come on through to the galley an' eat? It's just through there. Man your size must need-"

Jayne choked on another sob and looked up. "If'n yer gonna kill me, just do it an' don't make fun of me no more."

Mal was nonplussed. "Don't rightly recall makin' fun of nobody, just wondered if you wanted some food."

He received a somewhat watery glare of suspicion before Jayne sniffled once more and climbed to his feet. "Are…are _you_ hungry?"

"I could eat-"

"I'll make ya somethin'," Jayne exclaimed, heading past him to the galley. "I can cook real good, everyone says so!"

Mal sighed and watched him go, then went to find Inara to see what she thought of all this. The Companion was actin' all kinds of strange when he spoke to her, so he figured he'd better check on Jayne to make sure he didn't get up to too much mischief – or crying – by himself. He was surprised to find that the big man was with Shepherd Book, happily cooking something in the galley that actually smelled good. Kaylee was with them, chattering away about some such thing and keeping Wash from rubbing soup into his hair while Zoë perched on the edge of a chair and sharpened her knives.

"You'd look better in red, Lambie Toes," Wash said suddenly, drifting over to the kitchen knives.

Zoë eyed him and pointed to her pistol. "I wouldn't if I were you, little man."

"Whatever you think is best, dear." Wash plopped down in a seat next to her and, setting two plastic dinosaurs on the table in front of him, began to play with them. "And we will call it…._this land_."

"He's kinda weird," Jayne observed.

"We get all kinds, child," Book said serenely. "More oregano?"

When the entire crew had gathered in the galley, drawn by the smell of Jayne's cooking, Mal sighed as the big man hurried over to serve him first and hovered behind his chair when they all started to dig in. "Is it awright?" he asked anxiously as soon as Mal put the first forkful of bao in his mouth.

"It's just fine, thanks," Mal mumbled, wishing Jayne would just sit the hell down and stop starin' at him like that. "Look, why don't you have some too?"

"'Salright, I-"

"Sit down! And for God's sake, please try not to cry."

Kaylee was aghast, again. "_Captain!_ Sweetie, come sit by me and get away from that nasty old man." The chair creaked when Jayne sat down, and Mal rolled his eyes at how his mechanic immediately put a comforting arm around the other man's slumped shoulders. "You cook real fine, Jayne. Don't listen to him. He's just cranky 'cause he ain't been gettin' sexed anything close to regular," she confided as if Mal weren't just three seats away.

"Hey, now!"

"Captain, may I have a word?" Book asked, gesturing towards the corridor. When they'd gone out of earshot, the Shepherd turned to him. "What exactly do you plan to do about your groom?"

"Do about…? I ain't doin' nothin', Shepherd. He ain't my groom. Thought I made that plain."

"Seems very anxious to please you."

"Just his way, I guess," Mal said warily.

Book smiled. "I suppose so." His eyes hardened suddenly. "Understand that if you take sexual advantage of him…"

"Special Hell?"

"Special Hell."

"Gotcha."

The galley was nearly empty by the time they came back; it seemed as if the remaining helpings had been rapidly devoured by Zoë and Jayne had cleaned up before disappearing… somewhere… to have himself another cry. River was relating some story about juggling geese to Simon, who sprang to his feet as soon as Mal came back in the room. "I've got a new set of stainless steel scalpels," his Second said seriously, blocking him from going back to his plate.

"And?" Mal tried to go around the other way, but the other man moved in front of him smoothly.

"And they're yours if you'll trade."

"Trade? Trade you for what….wait a second. You offerin' me your new scalpels in exchange for Jayne?"

"They're good scalpels!"

"No, Simon. He ain't to be bartered or sold. Soon as Triumph's clear of Alliance, we're takin' him right back to Elder Gommen." Mal finally succeeded in getting past to his plate which, predictably, had already been cleaned. "Zoë eat the rest, Albatross?"

River tossed her black hair from her face and sighed. "Tried to keep her from it but you know her love affair with other people's food, Mal. She's off to her bunk with Wash."

"Too hopeless to wish they'd stay down there?"

"Pretty much, yeah." His pilot gave him a sly look. "Where's the Mister?"

"You best wipe that look off your face or you'll be cleanin' the latrines for a solid month," Mal warned. He headed off for his own bunk and tried not to think of what Zoë and Wash were getting up to in hers, and nearly jumped out of his skin for the second time that day when he went down the ladder to find Jayne there. In his bed. Naked. "Wa! Yo-hey. You're, um…well, there you are."

Jayne propped himself up with an elbow. "I made the bed warm for ya."

"It, uh, looks warm," Mal stammered.

"And I made myself ready for ya, too."

Mal cleared his throat and looked at a spot directly over Jayne's head. "Let's ride right past the part where you explain exactly what that means. Kaylee's made you a room of your own, _dong ma? _"

Even though he wasn't even lookin', he could tell that Jayne was startin' to get upset again. Seemed all the man ever did, after all. "But…but I thought… I ain't pleasin' to ya at _all? _ I mean, we're married an' all, an' the way you was lookin' at me earlier when I was cookin'…" A rustling sound made it abundantly clear that he'd just sat up, and Mal made the mistake of looking directly at him.

"Hey, flesh! Look, Jayne… this ain't a question of what's pleasin' to me, it's kinda about the Special Hell." Mal put one hand on his other wrist and settled his hands over his crotch to disguise the effect the nude man was having on him.

Jayne shifted again, and the blanket slid even lower. Mal swallowed hard. There was an awful lot of bare skin bein' flashed about his bunk these days. "But, we're married!"

"No, we ain't and I-"

"You're gonna kill me for sure, ain't ya?" Jayne asked mournfully. "Ya don't like me none an'… but I can cook good! You could use a cook, can't ya?"

"Jayne, listen – already told you that it wasn't about that. And will ya stop it about the killing? No one's gettin' spaced!"

Jayne sighed and stood up, making the blanket fall away to the floor unheeded. Mal swallowed even harder. _Wo de ma_, that was a whole lot of pretty. "They always said at th' bachelor house that I'd never get picked if'n I weren't just traded off. Elder said I was too big to be anyone's husband, an' I took up way too much space on top'a that." He hung his head, ashamed.

"What the _di yu? _ Too big? Lord above, Jayne…I'd say you were just right the way you are." Mal blinked in horror when he realized what he'd just said, and Jayne's eyes lifted to find his, the blue orbs filled with a sudden cunning that he wasn't too comfortable with seeing. "I mean, it ain't for me to say but you can't just let someone run all over you like that! Stand up for yourself," he finished lamely.

In two strides, Jayne had crossed the bunk and was standing toe to toe with him. "If'n you say so."

"Whoa, what're you doin'?" Mal asked, willing his erection to subside.

Jayne looked down at him. "I'm standin' up for myself, just like you said to. You can send me off anywhere ya ruttin' like – hell, space me if you're gonna – but I got a right to have me a weddin' night." One of his big hands cupped Mal's chin and he started to lean down for a kiss. "_Tien_, I'm swellin' just to think a' you in me… an' I'm seein' that you are, too."

"Oh, that?" Mal asked stupidly, his mind starting to malfunction with the presence of the nude, muscular colossus so, _so_ very near.

"Yeah, that," Jayne murmured before his lips touched Mal's. Somehow they managed to get back to the bed and Mal's clothing rained down on the floor piece by piece – thoughts of Shepherd Book and his Special Hell were pushed firmly aside by Jayne's enthusiasm and eagerness to please. When they finally collapsed in a sweaty, contented heap, Mal sighed as Jayne curled around him and snuggled close. "So, can I stay?" his husband asked sleepily.

Mal had to laugh and shake his head. "You did all that just 'cause you wanted to stay?"

The big man's arms tightened around him slightly. "Nah, did all that 'cause I wanted to. But I wanna stay with ya all the same."

"Jayne…"

"Just be thinkin' 'bout it some? 'Sall I ask ya," Jayne wheedled, his hand dipping lower.

"You tryin' to kill me, Husband?"

"Thought ya said we wasn't married."

"Go to sleep."

In the morning, Mal woke to find a tray of food waiting for him at his desk, complete with a steaming cup of tea that was sweetened just the way he liked. Jayne was nowhere to be seen, so he made no effort to stop the laugh that burst from him and after eating, Mal headed up to the galley where the rest of the crew were lavishing Jayne with praise for his cooking skills. The man himself looked so gorram smug that Mal felt like going up and kissin' that smirk right off his face.

"You should do it," Wash informed him. "He would be happy enough to float through the ship like a leaf on the-"

"Wash, dear, shut your mouth and eat," Zoë interrupted. River informed them of their rapidly approaching destination, and Jayne cleared the table with Shepherd Book while Mal went up to the bridge with Simon to work out the details of their next job.

Ignoring Book's looks of extreme disapproval and Zoë's leers, Mal spent the next few days in Jayne's company and was startin' to value the man's company despite himself – both in and out of bed. They'd set down on Dyton for their job when Mal posed the question to the other man. "Look, there's plenty work here for them that need it," Mal started. "No call for you to stick around if you don't want to."

Jayne was watching him dress, and put his arms around the pillow he was leanin' on. "Already said I wanted to stay – this mean ya don't want me around no more?" He shifted to display a rather interestin' swath of muscular thigh and looked at Mal from beneath those long lashes of his.

"Jayne, I gotta be honest with you. I already said more than one time that it ain't about me not likin' you… Serenity needs a crew who can provide for her, _dong ma? _ You're the biggest _hundan_ I ever did see but you ain't real scary with your girlish ways an' all."

"Weren't nothin' girlish 'bout what I was doin' to ya last night," Jayne grinned, then sobered to rest his cheek on the pillow. "Gorramnit, Mal… I don't know what I can do to persuade ya to let me stay on."

Mal sighed. "Me neither, _bao bei_. Ain't for the lack of wantin' you near, please know that."

Jayne ducked his head. "I know it. I'll clear out soon as I finish up the midday meal for y'all."

Lunch was a somewhat awkward affair since Jayne let it be known he was goin' off on his own, and Mal endured glares from just about everyone but Book and Zoë – Wash may or may not have been frowning at him, but Mal could never tell just what was wrong with him so he put it down as a comment on the fact that his chair was creaking especially loudly. He didn't reckon Jayne wanted any sort of goodbye kiss so with a nod that was returned in an unusually solemn manner, Mal headed off down the ramp with Simon and Zoë.

The job that was meant to be easy-peasy turned out to be nothin' of the sort as soon as they got to the rendezvous point. With Zoë coverin' their backs, Mal and Simon high-tailed it back to Serenity calling for River to get the engines fired up. "There's at least three of them following us," Simon yelled into the handheld comm unit as he pushed the Mule as fast as it would go.

"They're gettin' closer!" Mal yelled unnecessarily as the nearest one started to get kissing close. "Zoë, get 'em off!"

The tall woman fired at their pursuers, picking them off one by one until she ran out of ammo. "Sure would be nice to have some grena-" She fell back into her seat, off-balance as Simon took a quick turn.

"Just one more, can you outfly them?" Mal bellowed in Simon's ear.

"I'm trying," Simon yelled back.

Serenity came into view just as the thugs followin' them put on a burst of speed and began to come alongside. Mal had a clear sight of the pilot grinning over at them as the other craft's gunner swung his gun over to aim – he pulled his own gun and aimed it…and the other man flew off the back of the other Mule in a spray of red. He looked down at his pistol in disbelief, not remembering having fired, when another thug was picked off. "Zoë, thought you said you were outta ammo!"

"Wasn't me, Sir – whoa!"

Simon swerved the Mule once more as the other pilot was shot and slumped at the controls, making his craft go out of control and crash. "That was…considerably odd," Simon said in a wondering tone as he slowed the Mule enough to fly back into Serenity's hold. "But then again, that's not the only odd thing…"

Mal tore his eyes away from the cloud of dust that the other Mule's crash had raised and looked back to Serenity, where Jayne was standing in the middle of the ramp. "Thought he was leavin'," he started, stopping when he noticed the automatic rifle in Jayne's hand. "Wait just a gorram minute…"

Jayne moved aside just enough for the Mule to fly past him, and he turned to greet Mal as the captain hopped down. "Got held up a bit, but now you're back I guess I'll head on out." He handed Mal the weapon, his expression unreadable. "Here ya go."

"Jayne, I- ouch!" Mal hissed as his hands came into contact with the barrel of the gun, still hot from being recently fired. "You….you used this?"

"Yep."

"Just now? You used this just now?"

"Reckon so," Jayne said cheerfully. "Hey, can I borrow that back for just a second…?" He reached a big hand over to grab the gun back and whirled back to aim it down the ramp where it seemed as if someone had survived the crash. "Want me to shoot 'im for ya?" Zoë dove for another gun as the survivor lifted his, and Jayne calmly pegged him right between the eyes. "Never mind that last question."

Mal knew his mouth was gaping open, but he just couldn't help it. "But…what…how…"

Jayne set the gun back down and picked up the small bag he'd brought from Triumph. "Oh, yeah – I never got 'round to tellin' ya how Elder Gommen sent me off 'cause I liked to fight an' shoot at folk. See ya, Mal."

He'd just set one booted foot off the ramp before Mal finally found his voice. "You get right on back up here, Jayne Reynolds."

Jayne turned and grinned at him, slyer than Mal'd ever seen in his life. "Figured you'd see it that way." He strode back up the ramp and caught Mal's wrist in one hand, hauling him off to the crew quarters. "We'll be in our bunk."

  


~_fin_~  
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X-posted to [](http://community.livejournal.com/shiny_hats/profile)[**shiny_hats**](http://community.livejournal.com/shiny_hats/)  



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